“Every song has a story and, every story…a song.”
All I've Got
To My Children
“My legs will carry me to you when you need me and dance with you in sunshine and the rain.”
Arranged, recorded and mastered by Jim Firth for “There Is Hope”.
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All I’ve Got
In 1994 I made some (more) horrible decisions that took me away from my family. It would be permanent. Besides all of the chaos it caused, it led to learning to live alone in an apartment that could accommodate my children during the weekends. That was emotionally difficult by itself but got worse when I took a Ministry position in the Seattle area and came home only twice a month.
The decisions that were made were mine. I owned them, never blaming my situation on anyone else. But owning perpetually bad decisions doesn’t make them easier to live with. In fact, it made it increasingly worse. Being a father of six was an identity that I was proud of and deeply loved, however, my decisions were so counter to that identity that I was slowing losing any self-respect that propped me up enough to keep my job.
Part of my ministry position was Music Director for a contemporary choir and during one Mass, the priest gave a soul-searching sermon that ended with a story. I don’t recall anything about the story except the final lines, “I’m not much but I’m all I’ve got, and I offer all to you.”
Relationships are extremely complex and at the same time utterly simple. But the foundation of any healthy relationship is communication and acceptance. Trying to be something I am not, be it short term or long is a weak foundation for building relationships. More than anything in the world I wanted to have a fully alive and growing relationship with all of my children together and each one individually. And trying to impress them was not working.
I needed to be honest with myself, vulnerable and open to whatever was to come on the road to sharing each other’s lives.
All I’ve Got played in my head during the 3 hour trip from Seattle to Portland the next weekend. It was the message I needed to hear to embrace who I am and what I want to offer. I hope the message resonated with the children as well.
Thanks: I am grateful to Jim for taking a vague arrangement sent to him on a worn cassette and creating the orchestration, movement and character I hoped for to tell the story. You are amazing. I love you.