Like A Child was literally written on the Max in Portland traveling to and from a job at US West (now Century Link), a job I hated from the moment I started until the day I resigned out of sheer disgust. (But that’s another story). It was written in 1996 when Nick was only 8 years old and a very bright light in my life.

I was still not yet diagnosed with Bipolar and in a perpetually dark and desperate state. Holding down any job was the best I could do and the only thing I enjoyed at all was the time with the kids. My apartment was not suited well for visitors of 3 – 5 kids but they all made the best of it, especially Nick.

Nick was (and still is) a very intelligent, playful, insightful, and genuinely loving person. He was only 5 or 6 when I left the family but seemed to feel comfortable and safe even in the chaotic times; as if he knew that, regardless of what was going on around him with Mom and Dad, he was still unconditionally loved. He was a symbol of being free to me.

But what did that really mean? I know I am free in all democratic, inalienable rights won by our forefathers, etc. But there is a personal and spiritual freedom that couldn’t be realized until the shackles (beliefs) that I allowed to keep me bound were acknowledged and faced: Fear, shame, self-loathing, isolation, and a profound lack of self-awareness.

Nick understood and believed this simple truth: I am loved. When one truly believes they are loved all of life and its beauty, song, dance, playfulness, and freedom can be realized.

Early one Monday morning after having the kids for the weekend, I thought a lot about Nick, his playfulness, his laughter, his movements of spontaneous dance and I thought almost out loud, “If I could be anything at all, I’d be free.” Over the course of the next few days on the Max, I listened to the song and the message over and over in my head. One night, I put it on paper and to guitar.

In hindsight, I believe Nick’s influence on me and the writing of Like A Child was the first step on a long journey to becoming stable with Bipolar Disorder. I came to understand that there was nothing more important to me than becoming Like A Child.