Dear Papa,

The gift I offer you is something that is long, long overdue. Not so much in the form it has taken, but in the growing admiration, respect, honor and love that has been blooming with each time I talk with you or see you or think of you, which is very often.

My life, as you are painfully aware, has had years of chaos, darkness, deceit, deception, and dissolution. The years I spent in my manic phases were overwhelming, uncontrollable, blinding and deafening. I could not see or hear anything but my own self-illusion of being chosen by God to do His work regardless of how it affected my family, you and mom, my siblings and friends. The worst part of it all is that doing God’s will wasn’t at the core of my actions; it was to feed a terribly deep and consuming lust of attention, adulation and validation. The manic phases just camouflaged what was reality…until I got help.

Those manic days were always followed by depression; the darkest kind that led me to self-destructive actions, almost losing my life three times. There’s a self-illusion in that as well in that I believed I was not worth the love of those around me and would be doing everyone a favor by being dead.

And then, I met Linda and one afternoon she said, “I want to marry you and spend my life with you. But I’d rather live the rest of my life without you if you don’t take responsibility for your bipolar.” It changed my life and I began the long, painful journey toward stability.

 I started reflecting on what was important, truly important in my life but initially couldn’t find a person to help me discover that. And then, you and I slowly began to talk with each other, see each other, and deeply get to know each other. What I discovered is that after each conversation by phone or time spent with you, I began to see the person I most wanted to be like in the whole world…My Papa. And I began reflecting not on my life but on your life. I began to see a man who started in a typical, broken family, who experienced hardship, tremendous challenges yet continually worked hard to make things better for everyone. I began to see how genuinely wise you are, how funny you are, how strong you are, how devoted you are and most importantly how loving you are.

I wanted to be like you more than anything else in the world. I began “channeling” you in my daily life, finding joy in the simple, daily tasks of life and the wealth of peace that comes from making my primary purpose in life…my family. I was born again.

The gift I offer is a simple, incomplete but sincere pronunciation to the world or at very least, to you; of how important you are to me and always will be. You are, My Papa, the greatest man I know.

With unconditional love,
David